Thursday, October 27, 2016

Learning to deal with the loss of a loved one.

I sit here and stare at this screen, without knowing how to put all of my thoughts into this post. I am exhausted, overwhelmed and absolutely heartbroken.

These past few years have been pretty emotional. Death is a horrible, rotten, final moment. Death is an emotional roller coaster that you can never just get off of. No matter how many times you try to leap off it's ups and downs you are stuck. There really is nothing you can do emotionally to fix it.

My very first death experience was when I was eight years old. My Grandpa whom I loved very much passed away. We lived with my grandparents for a few months when I was little while my parents built their house. I am so grateful for this time I had with my Grandpa. This was when he was healthy. He moved well and could run around the yard with me. I really bonded with him. After moving away we still got to visit him. After a while his health started to go. In and out of the hospital. I remember the day vividly. I was running up the stairs to find my sister, brother and mom all huddled in the kitchen crying. I knew he was gone. That heartbreak was a defining one in my eight year old little brain. It hurt so bad. Like someone had driven a truck through my chest. I don't even know what I last said to him and that hurts the worst. Did I say goodbye? Every time I read something on the internet about these horrible people on the Earth I think, why are they still alive and my grandpa isn't?

I was pregnant with Aria and I was so so sick. I remember feeling my Grandpa there with me. I know he helped me through that horrific part of my pregnancy. After Aria was born I was so so emotional. I wanted so badly for her to have met him. He's the only great grandpa he has and he wasn't there. I was lying on my parents couch one day napping with Aria. She woke up looked up at his picture on the wall and said "Hi Pop pop!" I almost lost it. It was so comforting to know he had already met him and knew who he was. No one ever referred to him as pop pop, that was just something she knew him by in a previous life I guess. That moment comforted me and made me feel more at peace with his death than I ever have. A week after that I had a dream where we were are an aircraft museum looking at fighter jets. Brandon was there talking to a gentlemen I didn't yet recognize. As the man turned around I knew who he was. The joy I felt was overwhelming. He came over to me and gave me a hug and he told me what a good guy Brandon was. That again was so comforting, because these two would have gotten along so well. Brandon has a lot of qualities my Grandpa had.

I thought this would be the end of this stupid roller coaster, but no.

A few years ago my sister and I were playing Mortal Kombat together. It was cold and snowy out so we were just in lounge mode. My mom was vacuuming when she got a call from my cousin. She told my mom that her sister had been life flighted. We thought everything was going to be okay. We got a call back that she was gone. That moment seeing my mom's eyes when she told us. It felt like someone pulled a rug out from under me and there was no bottom to that fall. Just a few short months I had the strongest feeling that I needed to go with my mom to visit her. My sister, mom, grandma and I all made the trip down south to visit her. I am so comforted that I got to see her, hug her and say goodbye to her one last time. My heart was broken for all my cousins. I love them very much. I was especially heart broken for my youngest cousin Talon. I never had a little brother, and I feel like he was the closest I would get to have one. This was a weird experience with death for me. It was eerily comforting. I was not as mad with this one I was my grandpa's. I just felt peaceful, heartbroken, but oddly at peace.

At my wedding my cousin Tenille made me cry. I walked into the room where Brandon and I got sealed. I didn't know she would be there but I saw her sitting there and her mom was right there next to her. I started to cry, it was again that eerily creepy comforting feeling. I was so happy to have them both there. I know that sounds so weird and crazy, but it was as clear as day to me. I will love that little memory forever.

The roller coaster continued..

My sweet uncle Bill. He was the uncle that I grew closest too. I got to see him a lot when we lived with my Grandparents. He had always had health issues. He was the sweetest man you would ever meet. For Christmas each year he always gave us those lifesaver Christmas candies. It came with a book, a sleeve of candy, and an ornament. Such a small but sweet gesture. He taught us so many things about computers. He was incredibly smart. That man could do anything with his mind. He had always been in and out of the hospital and I remember knowing in my heart this one would be the last. I am glad I got to say hi and bye to him, but I kind of regret it because he was hooked up to so many machines, he looked horrible and I just wanted to remember the uncle Bill I knew and loved. This uncle was sick and I didn't really feel like he was there. His body was but, he was already gone. I was freshly preggers at the time, sick, and so sad. I was so happy for him to be out of that body. I am sure the minute he crossed over to the other side he just ran. Something he really couldn't do in this life. That was the thing that comforted me the most. That he was so much happier on the other side. He could be so much happier, healthier and do things he could never do here.

Just as we reached the smooth part of the roller coaster there was a devastating drop. With no bottom in sight.

When there is a loss of a child in any shape of form you lose your grounding. I have not lost my own child, but between families there have been some devastating losses. Losing a child is senseless and depressing. There is no rhyme or reason. This is one I have not been able to over come. I feel like society makes it so hard to talk about. With miscarriages, or stillbirths, this is a baby we are talking about. We should talk about them. It's the loss of a life. I think about one baby in particular every day. I look at Aria and I think about this mom and her sweet baby that was ripped away from her. I struggle everyday with the huge question mark hanging over my head. This part of the roller coaster has been that dreaded drop. The one that puts a knot in your stomach. It is such a sickening feeling that won't go away. I can't even imagine the nightmare this sweet mama must be living. I do know that she will get to see that baby again. I do know that all these moments she missed out on will be made up to her.

This may sound silly, but we had a cat recently pass. He was no ordinary cat. He adopted us, he was pushing 23 years old, and he was beyond the sweetest cat you would ever meet. I was actually lying next to him when he died. I can honestly say I know what people mean when they say death can be beautiful. Ghost was sick, he had been sick for a little while, losing weight and not doing much but sleeping. He was incredibly old and we knew it was time. We had set up a time to go put him down, but in sweet little Ghostie form he was going to do it on his own terms. He was lying there panting and all the sudden he was running in place as fast as he could go and then his eyes glazed over and he was gone. I was so grateful to be there for his death. He got to cross that rainbow bridge running. Something his little arthritic body hasn't been able to do for a while. That to me was beautiful. That cat was such a big part of our family. I know he's just a cat, but man you sure get attached to these little fur balls.

What this long post is trying to say is Death is hard. It's a sickening roller coaster that never ends. You think your to the ending where it is all smooth and your about to get off, when a drop comes out of no where. At first you loose your breath, the air gets knocked out of you, you get whipped around , you get sick. You think that parts over but you go around another corner and feel those waves again. Over time the space out, sometimes they don't show up for a few days, months, years. Something will trigger that roller coaster and down you go. Down that gut wrenching drop. I can't say it will ever end, this is won't. Surround yourself with the people you know that can help you through it.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

DIY Halloween Costume: Wednesday Addams and Cousin It

Wednesday Addams and Cousin It Cosutme DIY

Wednesday Addams and Cousin It Cosutme DIY

Hey Babes,

Now I know everyone knows this costume. It has been on repeat since the movie "The Addams Family" came out. Wednesday is just an easy costume that can be pulled from your own closet. If you have any black dress you can be Wednesday for Halloween. You can always add little extras to take it to the next level, but a black dress and parted braids your good to go. If you want to add a little detail to your costume here is an easy temporary way to change up your little black dress.

Adding a Collar:
You can wear a white collared shirt under the dress and pop the collar out, or you can make your own collar.

Wednesday Addams and Cousin It Cosutme DIY

Making your own collar is really easy. All you need is white felt, and velcro. Use this template here, trace it onto the white felt, flip it over and do the other side. Place the velcro around the collar stick it on. It really is that easy.

Hers is a pointed collar, if you care to replicate just add points to the collar instead of rounding it.

DIY Temporary Collar

DIY Temporary Collar

DIY Temporary Collar

DIY Temporary Collar

Adding Tights:

The tights are kind of essential to this look. If your in a bind they are the cheapest thing to buy at Walmart of Target for a few bucks. Now you can always take it up a notch by adding a fun black pair of tights.

A lace pair would glam it up (here), fun pattern mixing would add style (here), or you can just grab a pair of plain tights (here).

Adding a Prop:

This is the funnest part of the costume I think. If you are doing this costume for you kid, this can be their trick or treat bag. If this is for you it can be your purse for the night.

Meet Cousin It!

DIY Wednesday Addam and Cousin It Costume

-plastic trick or treat pumpkin (dollar store, thrift store has these cheap)
-yarn (beige, tan or light brown)
-top hat (easily diy here)
-tape (masking, duct tape or painters tape)
-hot glue

DIY Cousin It

Break off your candle bucket handle and replace it with a longer rope handle.

Grab your yarn and wrap it around the back of a chair. Cut only one end of it. This will save you time from having to cut each strand.

DIY Cousin It

Now fit your tape around your pumpkin for measuring. Cut the tape where it will meet end to end.

Now your going to place the looped end of the yarn along the tape. Tape to about the middle of the pumpkin.

DIY Cousin It

You are going to repeat this step until you get to the top.

Your going to part his hair and cover the face with some tape or paper so it doesn't show through the yarn. If you don't mind it does skip this step.

Cut off the top of the top hat. I did not cut the hat because I was using it as a purse I just hinge taped the hat on so I could get in and out of the bucket without losing my hat. If your using this as a trick or treat bucket, I would cut the top off for easy access.

Now your going to either glue the hat or tape the hat on the top of the pumpkin. I would tape the inside of the hat to the inside of the pumpkin.

Now your going to glue on his glasses and call it a day!

DIY Cousin It

How cool is this little companion for trick or treating? He will be the talk of the party whatever you use him for!

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

DIY Halloween Costume: Cruella Devile, Henchman, and Dalmatian.

Original Post Here.

Hey Babes,

I was Cruella Deville a few years ago with my cute little family. Aria, a newborn, was a cute little dalmatian, and Brandon was my henchman. It was really cute and really simple

When you are doing Halloween for a family on a budget hitting up your closet is the cheapest place you could ever shop.

Cruella is simple. Find a dress or coat you own that has any kind of animal print. I had this amazing swing dress from Asos. (similar) Cruella has a fancy coat that I myself could not recreate. Her coat is on the yellow side so I grabbed a yellow coat I thought would work for this costume. Here are a few options ( here, here.). I knew it would be cold that night so I threw on some black tights and booties and called it good. You can dye your hair, or spray it. My original costume I had it up. For this post I wanted to change it to more of a down do. A lot easier to do and manage.

Cruella wore red cloves and a fancy green ring. I did not have either of those options so I left them off. You can off course shop around and find them quite cheap. I stopped at the jacket and dress. This is one of the more simple costume ideas, but perfect for mom's who are just in a crunch and don't have much to work with. You can always find DIY ideas on pinterest. I love Pinterest because so many of us budget mom's can do things with what we have and not have to pack everyone up to go to the store.

Puppy Costume:

If you have a baby or child they are cheap to buy. You can find them on amazon or ebay. I got mine on sale from Babies R Us.
If you want to make one go to Walmart and find a white pair of sweat pants, and a white sweater shirt. Grab some black felt and glue. Just glue spots on the white sweat pants and suit, use the felt to make ears and a tail. It is really easy and cheap.

If you want your husband/boyfriend to be the dog you can do the exact same thing with the white pants and white shirt. Just glue on the spots and make ears and a tail and you are done!

If you want your dog to be well..the dog you can find a cute dalmatian print bandanna, or cape from any fabric store, or pet store. I know a few people you used a cow print. That works as well.


Easiest costume ever. Find a pair of tan pants, a green top and a jacket. You can add a some dirt or black eye shadow to their faces to make them look kind of ashy. The point is just to make them look kind of scummy. They are henchmen after all.

Monday, October 24, 2016

DIY Halloween Costumes: Queen of Hearts

Dress: c/o Asos (old) 
Original Post Here
Hey Babes,

I bring you another simple costume. Yes, Queen of hearts is over done. She is also very chic, and very easy to recreate for yourself. Especially if you are on a budget.

Red! Red is key for this look. Search your closet or discount stores for a red dress. The poofier the better. Options (here, here, here and here)

Get her a crown. You can make one (here), or you can buy a cheap one from the dollar store, Walmart, Claire's, wherever.

A killer pair of shoes. She is a Queen and a heart breaker. Shoes are a great accessory to this look. Red is what I would suggest. If you don't have any red shoes you can get a cheap pair here, and here. You can also grab a pair you don't wear anymore and spray paint them red. Paint the pumps red! (instead of roses..if you watch the movie a lot you will get that, or maybe it wasn't funny...)

You can wear red tights with this look, especially if you have a cute pair of red hearts on those tights. For those who bought some from Target in Feb, I give you serious props!

Now to your makeup. I would just do your blush in the shape of a heart, and your lips in the shape of a heart. Add a few glitter hearts to the corners of your eyes to complete the look. I did not do that for my costume however. It would be really cute though. Here is a Queen of Hearts makeup look I did a while back.


You can carry a stuffed rabbit, a pocket watch, red roses, or a a croquette mallet that you DIY'd into a bird (again watch the movie to understand that). If you are really morbid you can carry around a human heart (please not a real one, you might get arrested..and you might stain your dress.) they sell fake ones at Halloween stores, and amazon.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Falling for dresses

fall dress

fall dress

fall dress

fall dresses

fall dresses

Outfit Details:
Dress: c/o Cents of Style  ($21.95 + Free shipping)| Scarf: c/o Cents of Style | Shoes: c/o Shoetopia

Hey Babes,

We did our final walk through in our new house and I am so excited for all the wonderful posts I have planned. We had a town home before with not a lot of light so I could never do home decor, or craft posts. That will change. I am so so excited to own a house with a yard and no wall neighbors! I am so so excited guys!

I have been loving fall dresses lately. I used to hate dresses. I would only wear the for special occasions. After a while I have been converted to this trend. I especially love the dresses layered with scarves or vests and paired with booties. I think it is such a fun chic way to break up the monotony of fall pants and sweaters. These are so cute to wear to meetings, hot cocoa, coffee, shopping trips, dates, its such a fun dressy, happy fall outfit.

I love this burgundy color it is one of my favorite colors to wear. It really brings the blue out in my eyes and the red in my hair. This dress is so comfortable and soft. It is a swing dress so it drapes across the body and it comes in so many sizes. Everyone looks good in this dress. I love it. If you want more ways to style this dress check out the Cents of Style website. They always have so many cute ways to style their items. This dress is super affordable. It is their Fashion Friday deal this week. You can get this dress for $21.95+Free Shipping with code DRESS 2016 click here.

Cents of Style has been my go to store lately. They have so many great deals, and flash sales. I often do shop their items on Jane as well. If you are on a budget this is a great place to shop. Shipping is usually free.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

DIY Airplane Diaper Cake

This shop has been compensated by CollectiveBias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #BetterBottles #CollectiveBias


As a first time mom we stress about everything.I knew I would be returning to work and I would need to have plenty of milk and bottles for Aria while I was away. I was always concerned my daughter would get nipple confusion. Lucky for me bottles now are more shaped like a mothers nipple, to help reduce the likelihood of a baby getting confused. I can happily say she fed both from a bottle and from me without any issues.

 Playtex Baby™ Nurser® with Drop-Ins®Liners with the Most Like Mom® NaturaLatch® Nipple make the perfect duo for your baby. They both work to mimic breastfeeding. The liner gently collapses as does the breast when the baby is feeding. It also helps the air mixing with the milk reducing the chances of a colicky baby. The nipple has a raised texture making it easier for baby to latch. I really have so many good things to say about these bottles. If you’re a working mom who needs to switch between bottle feeding and breast feeding these nipples are amazing for reducing that confusion for baby. They have different flow nipples available to help tailor to the needs of your baby. When I researched bottles I wanted realistic nipples, different flows to mimic my flow, and I wanted them to be silicone and BPA free.
When preparing for a baby, or shopping for a baby shower registries make life so much easier. It helps ensure you get what you want, and helps ensure you buy what the expecting mom needs. Walmart is a one stop shop for all babies needs. That’s where I got everything I needed for this adorable diaper plane. Check for on packaging coupons giving you $3 off eligible 3 packs of Playtex Baby bottles including the Playtex Nurser 8 oz., VentAire 9oz., and VentAire Colors.


Supplies you will need:

-Blankets (receiving blankets work best)
-Foam Board
-Stroller Fan (for propeller)
-Baby Bottles
-Diapers (size 1 work best )
-Paper Towel Roll
-Scrapbook Paper
-A lot of patience


First you are going to map out the plane on your foam board. This is going to act as foundation of your plane. I used an RC plane map to configure my plane. This one here works perfectly.  


Cut the board out according to map. Do not cut all the way through on the dotted lines.




Now you are going to wrap your wings in the receiving blankets. You can hold them on with tape or you can use ribbon.

Before wrapping the body of the plane in a blanket you are going to want to cut a slot to fit your Stroller fan through.



Now that your propeller is on wrap the blanket and tuck it into the body. You can run tape along the inside for a tighter fit.Ribbon also works well.

Take your paper towel roll and paint it, wrap it in paper or ribbon, decorate it to your liking. I use scrapbook paper and I just rolled it. It looks cute and disguises the roll well. This will be the axle that holds your diaper wheels.


Now to the diaper part of the cake. This is probably where most your time and patience comes into play. You can use a cake pan as a mold that helps keep things even, and easy to form. Once your diapers are molded to your liking wrap it in ribbon and tape it down tightly.

Start to secure your pieces together. Use tape or ribbon to tie them down. You are going to now secure your wings and your wheels to the body. By using the x technique it will secure them down with little effort. 


Add the bottles to the cockpit and secure them.


Now you stuff that plane with stuffed animals,little things on the registry.

This completes your Airplane Diaper Cake. It is perfect because you can customize it to the registry. Diaper cakes are always fun to give as gifts, and fun to receive as gifts.

I would love to see how you recreate this. Tweet me pics of how you recreated this amazing diaper cake airplane. Get everything you need at Walmart. You can find these Playtex bottles and more here


Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Slouchy Sweater

slouchy sweater

slouchy sweater

slouchy sweater

slouchy sweater

slouchy sweater

slouchy sweater

slouchy sweater

slouchy sweater

Outfit Details:

Sweater: c/o Jennsine from Shop Stevie | Skirt: Head over Heels | Tights: Target | Booties: Cotton On (similar)

Hey Babes,

Oh sweater weather! It's not only my favorite candle but my favorite kind of weather. Sweaters are one of the most versatile article of clothing. They translate into every outfit perfectly.

I am always shopping to bring you more outfit ideas at affordable prices. I am constantly researching stores, and boutiques. I came across Jennsine from Shop Stevie. If you know Shop Stevie you know the amazing pieces they offer at affordable prices. Now to be fair sizing can get tricky. Some pieces do run a bit smaller. Ask reps like Jennsine before purchasing.

This sweater is ultimate perfect sweater. It is long so you can wear it with leggings as I am now typing this. You can pair it with a skirt ant tights, a dress and booties, jeans and a hat. This sweater is multi-functional. I am in love with it. Now it is not blanket soft it does have a little structure to it, which is actually great for long wear. I love and adore this sweater. You can order Shop Stevie products from Jennsine here, and check her out on Instagram here.

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